Try This Proven Way to Cope with the Death of a Loved One

Are you struggling with confusion and the loss of meaning in your life? Have no idea where to turn or that you even want to try? You can be sure that others have faced this point of despair and yet have somehow have been able to break through this terrible barrier. How was it possible?

There are many things to consider in meeting the difficult changes imposed by the death of a loved one. A good approach is to recognize that all areas of your life can be affected in some way. So begin the task of finding some balance and stability by addressing what is the most daunting challenge you face at this very moment. In order to accomplish that, examine how grief assaults these four areas of your life.

1. Emotionally. What emotions are you being overwhelmed with? Is there anger, guilt, hatred, or a sense of total devastation? Do you feel cornered by the thought that you are alone or totally responsible for your young children? Are you firmly convinced you will never be happy again? Examine your thoughts very carefully and attempt to find one or two emotions or thoughts that seem to be the most difficult for you to deal with. Be specific. When you are alone, get paper and pen, and write them down.

2. Physically. Consider what dealing with your loss has done to you on a physical level. Is your energy level at its lowest point ever? What has contributed most to this feeling? Lack of sleep? Too much caffeine and very little solid food? Has an old injury or condition suddenly flared up? Are you dealing with a cold? Have you forgotten to take your medication? Again, carefully weigh the most important factor that has contributed to your physical condition at this moment. Now write it on your list.

3. Socially. Often the death of a loved one causes us to withdraw. In addition, emotions like anger, depression, and guilt are isolating emotions and often keep friends and family at a distance. What is the nature and effectiveness of your support system? Do you have good listeners or people who are always trying to fix you? Are you contributing to your isolation by refusing to go out or driving people away by what you say? What is the number one need you expected would be met by your friends and family, but it hasn’t happened? Review your social and support needs and pick out the most important one that should be addressed. Put it on your list.

4. Spiritually. We often think of the why of the death. Why now? Why him/her? Or, what have I done to deserve this? Sometimes our faith and spiritual beliefs are shaken to their very roots. We blame God for not hearing our prayers and allowing this to happen. Have you forgotten that you are not alone and that love will prevail? Are you shying away from letting your Higher Power see you just as you are because of your loss?

Even though you are deeply hurting you can still be the answer to someone else’s prayer. What must you do to reclaim your every day spirituality? The new meaning of life? Decide where you are with your spiritual beliefs and your loss and what is missing. Again, put it on your list.

Now you have four or five needs on your list from the four areas in your life that have been affected by the death of your loved one. The next step is to put these in priority. What must you deal with first? Once you have picked it out, begin immediately to start the work of grief. Decide who you need to help deal with your top priority. Decide what information is necessary for you to gather. Then, and most important, what specific behaviors should you initiate. Let “one need at a time” be your motto. Tackle the first priority, then your second, and so on.

In summary, there are no secret steps to instant healing. Each grief is one of a kind and the work of grief is highly individual. But you can gain insight and direction on where to begin, and specifically, where you need the greatest assistance. This is a place for you to start your comeback. Reach out, just a little. Refuse to withdraw. Persist. Time is not a healer–you are your healer. You can get through your great loss.